our teacher just told us that we happen to be one of the most unscholarly batch of hcjc humanities this year. i can just imagine everyone of them hanging their heads in mollified silence. good thing i wasn't there to hear it.
everyone's fretting but guess what i don't really care if i get a scholarship anymore. haha your probably laughing now in mockery because my results aren't thaaat good anyway but that's beside the point. hoping for a scholarship isn't synonymous with sterling results; let me just reiterate that one point before i move on.
i think i'll just leave everything to chance right now. after all i did just that when i applied for the humanities scheme just last year with little hopes of success and look how far i've come. did you know i had to appeal to come to hcjc after 1st 3 mths? i got posted to NJC; yes 7 points wasn't enough. and i realised i couldn't try for a cca appeal because Mr Mario rejected it so all i had was my general appeal and there i was crossing my fingers and here i am smiling surreptitiously to myself now of my good fortune.
there is something divine in chance. resignation and submission to fate it is not. sense of peace and assurance is what it gives me. that i lay my plans before his throne and rest in the promises that he knows where i am to go.
so i am not fretting. my heart, instead of restless agitation and wandering, merely settles into the dust and waits for divine direction. and when it does come, whether to my expectation or not, i will rise and shake off the residue of torpidness and follow that magic compass where-ever it may lead me to.
oh yes. academia-dom is not what i seek. 4 A's 1 S that's what i'll strive for. anything beyond that as a reward would be a thrilling accessory. i don't care for that. i just want to be real
R E A L.
genuine and heartfelt.
yes to be real... with a sprinkle of ornery of course ;)
if i didn't get a scholarship. i'd rent a yacht. spend one day and night away from coarse hard land into the open sinuous sea. and wake up the next day to the rushes of morning and the sweet kisses of lilting breezes. to open my eyes and watch the world stained with just two colours; blue and pink, with a horizontal line to cleave the two asunder. to plunge one hand into the cool water and let it trail away watching the crashing ripples wrinkle blue. to face an upturned nose toward the heavens with arms outstretched and smile in blissful happiness comprehending boundless paths for me to pioneer. to reach with eagerness and soak in elated happy thoughts of ageless and unconfined energy. i'd think.. is it only me? that feels so exaggeratingly vivacious?
The learned is happy Nature to explore, The fool is happy that he knows no more-- Alexander Pope.
i shall be the "hairpee" fool then. the one that feels alive, the one that stares ahead into the deep dome shaped universe in scintillating joy grasping everything that's ahead of me amidst solitude and fine waters.
i really wouldn't care then if i had a ticket to Cambridge, or UCL, or Imperial College or Kings.
i just experienced Life's simple pleasures. breathtakingly raw.
with devastatingly beautiful results.

Joyce Lim unzipped at 4:30 PM with 0 comments
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