Sunday, October 31, 2004
and the figures are in.
My old blog has a 90% probability of being chanced upon by an unsuspecting victim
if he or she googles or yahooooos "chinablack". try it for yourselves all you doubting thomases. to date, about 50 million people have converted themselves to Joyce's blog fans because of such happenstance. i've people from the USA typing in chinablack in google and i have absolutely no idea why. do they have a restaurant or some franchise club over there?? oh i just checked, my blog is top 13. yes it got kicked out of the no.2 spot, what a bummer.
ah yes yes on close scrutiny, my blog turns up on search results when you type in "masturbation + sentosa". weird isn't it? i don't even remember how such a scurrilous word could be even found on any of my entries. my god.. no wonder my dad thought i was watching porn last night haha. yes.. my dad is rather.. cognitively inclined. what amuses me even more is how someone could actually relate these two words together, two words from such amazing extremity and yahoooed them side by side. My God his good.
other popular searches include:
1. How to draw human silhouettes
2. x joyce
3. maths trickles your brain quizzes (yes tRickles not tickles)
4. puppy bitch art surreal
5. shuckz
6. fuck yange (And i SWEAR these two are mutually exclusive)
enough of tomfoolery. on another note, someone yahooed this: "older but no wiser, some things which should been remembered are forgotten" and she was led into my site. amazing isn't it? fascinating how moira throws wildcards about. i don't know about you but i always feel a sense of gratification and satisfaction whenever somebody wanders into my blog unknowingly because of a lovely phrase they googled. just feels like there's enough serendipity to go around.
just makes me happy. that's what it does. :) Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:43 AM with 5 comments
Saturday, October 30, 2004
at first i decided on derigueur for my gmail account. but later decided a revamp should be in store and so i created another account with Iridescentia. then i got hong to send me another invite because i had this brilliant 3 word username i thought was extremely cryptic and deliberately ambiguous.
i wanted "the.tea.party". too bad it's taken. i tried different combinations but all were taken up. not so recondite a username afterall eh? my friend suggested "teh.tea.party" which looks and sounds amazingly witty and hilarious but i didn't want something with an underlying humour to it. see there's this certain image i talked to you about just now? yes this must be kept.. with a straight face.
names are very important. if i had a band i'd spend a year thinking up different words and names, probably changing it everytime in fact. there are too many band names which start with "the". you have the killers, the cure, the smiths, the strokes, the wallflowers.. i like something eyecatching, something unusual. i admire people who make up worthy names. like that song "Famous Blue Raincoat". beautiful name, refreshing and individualizing, it turns into an icon affair. a sui generis. now tell me who the hell would call themselves F4 or 5566 unless their qi1 qi1 ba1 ba (7788)?
i just spent another hour cringing watching channel 8's 9pm drama The Champion. i've never missed a single episode cringing i can tell you that. that's how obssessed i am with the show. frankly i watch it for some male and babe action, but am very appalled at their primary 6 exercise every facial muscle distort eyebrows, and eye widths and mouth pouting to accentuate every single word they spew. just ACT natural. my god. the script is in a lousy state of disarray and "durh-ness"
imagine this model stick thin girl who supposedly loves scuba diving because she loves the underwater world and the environment tells this other guy that "under the water, everyone is equal..."
Rrrriight. i feel like walloping her. and the script writer.
yesterday's singapore idol wasn't so bad. big swing band jazzy blues how nice. my fav theme so far. and i must admit chrissypoo looks dashingly handsome and ever the chipper. looks every part the debonair beguiling 20's gangster with that fedora hat. hah like bugsy siegel and his spandex. sweeeett.
my dad just came in and i switched off the comp screen because i don't like people around when i'm blogging. he asked if i was watching porn. -__- yeah wadever floats your boat dad
no more romancing. no more waxing lyrical. i must must must pull through this. it's 7 mths of heaven after this Joyce Lim unzipped at 2:30 AM with 5 comments
gah.. sudden change of heart to blog. toodles
Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:51 AM with 0 comments
Saturday, October 23, 2004
so it is with this princeton application forms i found in my mail this morning. it's obvious they're just sending out random forms to pple around the world considering i didn't send them my SAT scores. why would they want a smutty little midget like me who performs so lousily in school. so that explains it.
of course there's this nagging voice at the back of my head telling me to DO IT. just fricking do it, fuck care and apply. who cares if my prelim and block tests results suck to the core.
but burge will probably laugh at my 2 minute conceit la. SIAN
Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:34 PM with 0 comments
Friday, October 22, 2004
there's something so very utterly romantic the way the rain trickles softly down glass panels and window sills. especially when your hard at work, head bent, chewing nails, sideburns tucked neatly behind your ears while the top of your crown looks matted and roughly tousled with your other hand clutching the frizzy ends in disciplined earnestness. so it was today as i pored over lines and lines of econs that i turned to stare out of the window i was sitting beside. raindrops sailed down happily as i watched millions others spatter themselves onto the glass and smeared their fat dropsy bodies into mercurial trails and smiley faces on the other side of the glass. i put my finger onto one voluptuous rainblob and watched the little smidgen ease itself gently away from my magnetic hold, skating down to join the rest at the bottom.
i had the pang of urgency to blog. no laptop so i scribbled on a piece of paper napkin this:
"there's something so very utterly romantic
the way the rain trickles ethereally
down glass panels and window sills,
waving their flubber hands at you,
you who are oblivious to freedom and magic
beyond the looking glass"
words written on a paper napkin. how unusually cliched. but how homespun and rustic, that homey cozy huddled up state, with sugarcult and coffee melodies and lavendar fresh ovenbaked potatoes smells. a glass pane, bursting clouds and showers of fresh out of laundry raindrops.
i've been thinking about that paper napkin. maybe a waiter clearing my messy table spots the scrawling lines and becomes enchanted by this anonymous writer. or maybe it'll get thrown into the bin with the rest of the not so extraordinary napkins and the garbageman, seeing it at the top of the pile will read it unexpectedly and his eyes will crinkle while he envisions similar picturesque settings at home. or i don't know.. maybe the next occupier of my seat would keep the embellished napkin as a memento, moved in indiscernible ways by those words.
no more pipe dreams. often i get carried away and more often than not get embarrassed by my illusory dreams again.
but can i just say that it is entirely quixotic how a spontaneous pen writes on any surface it finds. the ink soaking through and through. a moment of glory and reckoning, transient no doubt, but still very very uplifting in its own special way.
Joyce Lim unzipped at 10:45 PM with 1 comments
but today was a little bit different. a police car drove right past my house, the driver wound down the window and called for my dog. he then made a 3 point U turn and reversed back and drove out of my neighbourhood but not before driving past my house again and this time his partner also started calling for my dog one last time. like what the hell?! since when did everybody started knowing his name?
curious and curious-er. i don't even know my neighbour's dogs' name and they've been around here longer than Russ has. oh well Mr popular here doesn't exactly love strangers, especially males. he bites, his a golden retriever but his exceptionally fierce. bother bother..
My Mr popular is nosing his way up to my room again. haha. i love doggy love. his sucha cute darling warling.
P.S such rare diabetic sweetness on my blog is only reserved for my canine companion Joyce Lim unzipped at 3:00 PM with 0 comments
nah.. no such luck. to prevent my reputation from deteriorating further i have taken drastic actions to preserve some semblance of grace and AHEM bea.uty
Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:12 AM with 0 comments
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
so anyway.. subject in question switched on her handphone and was delighted with new infomation that she had been sleeping for the past 12 hours, then the smses came in a beeping fury. first one she read was an invitation to a study date at a nearby macs in west coast park received at (opps 9am). but her friend would understand.. she should anyway.
she clumbered downstairs and whooped when her free tickets to zouk this saturday to watch the semi finals Dj competition arrived in the mail sponsored by heineken. the day was getting better. her dog came up, tail wagged (and still wagging) and nosed his way into the crevice between her legs (only because he was too short to nuzzle and cuddle and show his doggy love any higher). wheee it's heaven when you find romance in a doggy nuzzle.
subject in question finally reached Macs with her dear friend she has a love affair with and coincidentally chanced on an old pop song she used to love back in her nanyang days just as she was complaining about the new sacrilegious smutty hiphop cover version of The Archies' Sugar Sugar. subject in question loves listening and humming to old pop songs because it brings back sensory and tangible memories and vivifies people and surroundings associated with it. if your wondering what song it is, it's "Shoulda Woulda Coulda" by Beverly Knights.
subject in question is getting very restless with her mind constantly fixed upon the impending exams. subject in question yearns for a return to some semblance of frivolous living and extravagant sinning. but subject in question has lots of aspirations and ambitions that cannot be wasted because of her unproductiveness. subject in question always tells herself not to give herself a chance to regret when the time comes to be happy.
subject in question cannot stick to resolutions well. Joyce Lim unzipped at 7:46 PM with 2 comments
Monday, October 18, 2004
speaking of which, i used to have this classmate who didn't know who the hell he was back in nanyang and she incurred the wrath of this rapper wannabe smarty pants when she pronounced his name as M&Ms.
but not like you wanted to know anyway. but i grew up with bedtime stories, and i tot it's high time i pass the legacy on anyway. Joyce Lim unzipped at 11:49 PM with 0 comments
as for hiphop they degenerate into mere monotonous outputs of sheer chauvinism. not to say i don't enjoy the reggae beats and the catchy rhythm which makes you want to hum along nelly style. but just look at their titles. we have Get your eagle on, Slow Motion yada yada yada. the infamous and guaranteed way of instant stardom is to talk about sex in your lyrics. mix in some allusions to birds of flight, orifices, phallic objects and pepper in your own slinky dance movements and you've got a hiphop album in hand. oh wait.. then there comes the much anticipated music video. it's simple really. just dress everyone in white from root to toe, have the setting preferably at a gigantic white mansion, complete with white marble floors and colossal pillars and ceilings and a humongous swimming pool, that's also preferably white like your swimming in liquid paper and have lotsa slutty girls wearing white bikinis and thongs shaking their booty at every male singer in the music video. and you already know the ultimate contrast to white eh? yupyup they have to be black.
then of course you need to have the bling bling. david beckham and usher made the diamond big blingbling earrings in fashion, plus oversized basketball jerseys and chunky bling bling rings and rocks around your neck. basically just show me the moolah.. and the girls curl up to you.. heaps of them.. Bevies in fact, just one guy in the music video and 1 million of human beings frm the opposite sex and plenty of bling. now that's what i call hiphop
i don't see why women have to be commodified and commercialised this way. this reminds me so much of Women Beware Women.. oh well. imagine my future boyfriend serenading me to the tune of "Get your eagle on girl".
RRrrrightt... i will be spectacularly mystified and ten times more horrified. either he thinks i'm a large ostrich cross bred with an eagle flap my wings kinda girl or i chose the wrong boyfriend eh? oh maybe he just chose the wrong song haha
i don't understand why can't they make music the way they used to in the good ole rock and roll wine and roses days. Joyce Lim unzipped at 9:12 PM with 2 comments
Sunday, October 17, 2004
i hope i'm not lapsing into a Xiaxue bitch curse rant mercilessly archetypal mode. this is not what i am. usually my heart's made of soft wool, which melts like ice cream when the antagonist shows the teensy weensy form of penitance; like when they apologise without remorse, my heart breaks into reproachment and forgiveness.
i am very merciful. in fact, i believe i shall forgive my much hated thorn in the arse, flesh, and hairy armpits when the sun sets and rises approximately 24 hours later. a better approximation would be when i get out of bed.. which would be around 4 in the afternoon. that would be heresy. no no, my new resolution is to stick to unforgiveness and hatred; zenith at its extreme.
dear jon, you can't be bothered with my nonsense. i find it so very amusing since it's always been you whose been bothering me with stupid inane messages. darling i really hope you read this, but i realise it's an impossible feat. so fuck you, fuck your ailing balls, just grow some and maybe one day you'll tell me the truth and confess that you've been the funkiest lying bastard around.
till then, i'll be happily praying for a near death accident specially for you.
toodles :) Joyce Lim unzipped at 4:53 PM with 5 comments
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:17 AM with 0 comments
Monday, October 11, 2004
what do you do then if you see a fellow schoolmate 50 metres away? usually i sneak a peak up, see them, whirl my head round and pretend to look for my bus 50 miles in hiding. turn back, avoid their gaze, seem absorbed with my fantastic uncut and unpolished fingernails and only look up when i'm almost nearing the bus stop.
one time i spotted my history teacher walking down chinese high slope in the direction of my bustop. i was the only lonely soul around in that desolated blasphemous hour of the morning. i jumped to the sidecurb and prayed 156 would fly by a la harry potter. As Laydee Luck would have it, she doesn't give you your way when you need it most. i panicked, waved desperately at any bus with impelling eyes and got on the first one that flew by.
no i don't have an inferiority complex. icy and "dao" aren't befitting either. do you make eye contact and acknowledge each other's presence 10000m away? ok then what? is eye contact maintained for 400 lightyears till both of you are at arm's length or you look away for a while then resume eye contact when it seems at a safer nearer distance? if it were very good friends like my immediate clique, i'd stare menacingly, penetratingly, intensely so till we were close enough to burst into mild giggles and slight cynical remarks. there was this once hong and i spotted each other a distance away and we behaved like exaggerated monkeys with overgrown arms and hands and hair waving and pulling faces while other people hurled away horrified by our disgusting display of ape-ness.
other than that i pretend i don't know you till we're standing breast to breast. no pun intended Joyce Lim unzipped at 10:02 PM with 0 comments
Thursday, October 07, 2004
or maybe i should just rip something off from my blog and pass it off as something original. what am i talking about, it IS original. it's Mine anyway, but ahhhhhh you get what i mean.
for the record. i spent 3 hours fermenting a 2 paragraph answer. the realy full blown essay will take years longer
Joyce Lim unzipped at 2:45 AM with 1 comments
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
S.I.G.H.
working another miracle here My Dear Father in heaven? i am done ranting.
O levels are nothing like A's you and i both know that. perhaps i shall manage to pull off the greatest hoax of the year once in a while
Joyce Lim unzipped at 6:39 PM with 0 comments
Monday, October 04, 2004
for example, Mozart and Beethoven are two very prodigious composers but their resemblance ends there. one composes music as soon as it charms its way to mind, the other, scrupulous and meticulous over every single harmonizing chord from bar to bar. so shall i be the tuneful artesian who listens to her own licentious swinge or shall i attempt to tweak and tune every string till my aberrant deliberation spills into designful cerebrate inspiration. i shall be neither. mere mortals don't pontificate. we just listen and wait for our time to fulfil a higher calling, or so we hope.
the past few days have been gloriously hot and sunny. except for that one occasion yesterday when my mom was driving us home. rain fell hard and spitefully. as if the wind had gathered them all to her bosom in gnashing jealousy, then flunged them down in a lover's rage; dancing a tribal dance, spearing our metal fortress with her dropsy arrows and melting our garments to even darker shades of poison when we got out of the car. it reminded me of a song.. "singing in the rain", and again that unchecked desire welled up inside and i felt compelled to dance outside under rain and stormclouds. as did today when i was walking out and felt a happy sun ray on my face, in blasted Sheryl Crow's I wanna soak up the sun, and i felt so pleased with myself and my zen boy, who seems to know the pertinent songs to fit well suited situations.
But For Now.. let me say i love this. i enjoy the nice tik tak tak tak of the keyboard, the sudden incongruent change of a hippy song like Michael Jackson's punjabi mixed Billie Jean to a mellower Renee Olstead's A Love That Will Last; which i will then have to swiftly change the shade of my heart from funky orange to huey blue, and of course.. Jamie Cullum's "But For Now".
so for now, i'll just say i love this, i love love. nothing more seems important right now, and tomorrow can wait come whatever. but right now, right now, faraway futures, idle talking i never have planned smile at me while my zen boy works his magic again tonight. Joyce Lim unzipped at 8:45 PM with 3 comments
Friday, October 01, 2004
i'm just kidding.
but i swear guys are truly truly horrible hypocritical bastardy homosapiens. at least this is applicable to most of them who have tried to court me in one way or another. Lies, lies and more crap. unreliable, irresponsible absolute jerkoffs who fall in love with the body and not the soul. did i say "Love"? i'm sorry i meant "Lust".
oh woe is me. shall i never find a significant other who understands right through to the austere me? who recognises my diabolical laughter, my every smirk, my every grin, my every sorrow, wish or fantasy?
so Love, denigrates into a self effacing need. Men are all like Othello. He doesn't love Desdemona, for if he did, he would not have murdered her. She is but his trophy wife, bestowing upon him status, his physical proof that he has risen in a white man's world.
He doesn't love her, for if he did he would have granted her clemency. Othello loves only himself, himself as lover and leader. His flamme, his gloire, he has reified and deified her, his Oscar-Emmy-Statuette and doll.
i am no doll. enough said. Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:00 PM with 8 comments