Sunday, May 28, 2006
Having so much fun together
You're not even aware, you're such a funny pair
You're the best of friends
Life's a happy game
You could clown around forever
Neither one of you sees, your natural boundaries
Life's one happy game
If only the world wouldn't get in the way
If only people would just let you play
They say you're both being fools
You're breaking all the rules
They can't understand, the magic of your wonderland
Click here for a full account.
They can't understand...
the magic of your wonderland Joyce Lim unzipped at 2:30 AM with 0 comments
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
i must admit i was quite aghast at the thought of a small cramped room with no bathtub and a hotel floor filled with sand and mud and seawater. But on hindsight, i rather enjoyed the idea of roughing it out, just like in OBS. So now that i'm back home i feel strangely misplaced and disorientated. It was liberating tasting nothing but salt, sea, sun and sand, dressed in the barest minimum and having fun the whole day. Now when i sleep, i imagine myself rocking gently on a boat, or being carried away by the water's current to some shipwreck or coloured corals orange and blue. We went snorkelling twice and on the second occasion the fishes virtually swam around you as if you were one of their own. A bit too close for comfort i say, especially when i got bitten on the toe and finger in a feeding frenzy when i tried to give them bread.
I came with a checklist to Redang: tanning; which i did, but i wish i wasn't so intent on the idea that i missed seeing and enjoying more of what the beach had to offer. But what i did discover was the simple act of swinging on the hammock, tied between two coconut trees bending inwards and watching the sky meet sea, listening to the distant sounds of happy shouts, rhythmic waves while riding high on a specially made playlist on podywody.
You could stand at the edge of the sea and think of what people call the existentialist moment. I saw the the waves crashing and imagined a giant cauldron bubbling in the centre of the ocean sending concentric circles of ripples. Then i blinked my eyes and thought i saw white foamy fingers spreading out, pulling and pushing and fingering the shore. Once, while we were on the boat going back to the mainland, all i saw was the expanse of the ocean which if you looked out far and hard enough you thought you were drifting towards a giant plateau of a waterfall. And then on the last night hong and i looked at the waves, now more menacing than gentle, and i scared myself looking at the angry waves that resembled a host of unearthly sea creatures gliding towards the surface and rising at the shore. a big host, an army, spectral and treacherous. and then the morning before we left, i hugged my jacket and stood on a wooden makeshift flight of stairs and looked out for as long as i could, saying my goodbyes in the gloomy drizzle.
My favourite moments were nothing like sublime. i didn't scream in frenzied excitement just cause i saw lovely fishes and corals and starfishes and massive prehistoric garoupa fishes and shipwrecks. My favourite moments were in the intermittent snatches of perfect inward silence while the rest of the world rolled by in indiscernable noises, while I, swinging on a hammock and looking up at the filtered light through the trees, or staring deep into the ocean blue, thought the world wonderful.
So just as i arrived at Redang full of expectations and targets to meet, fell short of them but found something else more precious, so i write this post teeming with joy and photos and beautiful moments to share, but never quite precisely putting my point across.
but i think to myself, what a wonderful world.
in the morning i feel the breeze
the sun washes over me
the sound of water the crashing sea
is it only me
that feels alive Joyce Lim unzipped at 8:32 PM with 0 comments
Joyce Lim unzipped at 7:48 PM with 0 commentsTrip to Redang was lovely, more photos up soon.
Joyce Lim unzipped at 12:24 AM with 0 comments Wednesday, May 17, 2006
"i'm not blogging publically but now my life is perfect i just want to share it with all of you"
good god daphne, i wouldn't wanna take any part in tearing your perfect life apart, so why should i care if your happy or not
"i broke up with erik again and my dad's flying me to -------- to recuperate."
Ya, i think i needed a major heart surgery when mine broke up with me Daphne dear.
"I'm going to purdue to study with bf1.... (a year later).. i'm going to Shanghai to study with bf2.. (months later) i think i'm going to ------ to recuperate after my breakup"
As hong aptly put it, she doesn't ever need to graduate, her dad's able to afford her studying her wholetime.
"I hope your as happy as me now that i've gotten back with bf2342....."
Good gracious dear nobody can ever ever be AS happy as you, in fact, that's what we all aspire to be in the future, to be as happy as you. you hit that benchmark for us daphne, you go girl!
i could go on forever
stay tuned! Joyce Lim unzipped at 12:40 AM with 0 comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
but almost immediately i sensed the cheapening of experience and emotion. if all of human condition can be expressed and portrayed on film, what is left then? and just at that moment, the wife said onscreen, "tell me it's real".
Indeed.
and there's a nagging feeling of guilt and wrongness. sigh. why won't it go away, why can't i laugh it off?
why can't things be as simple as they sound.
things put into perspective, however right they sound, only rearrange immaturity and ignorance into moral obtrusiveness. Joyce Lim unzipped at 9:33 PM with 0 comments
Saturday, May 13, 2006
lazy for words, photos will do. oh and my cousin's car's arriving today hmpfh. hmm ok la, i'm not really jealous, really.
Joyce Lim unzipped at 12:32 PM with 0 comments Wednesday, May 10, 2006
the different social roles we play. Friend, enemy, lover, brother, superior, public figure, private person. hard to reconcile. between love, hate and anger lies the difference, and the difference spells a void. The void: doubt, moral ambiguity. I don't know what to do. Frustration insiduously fans the spark of malcontent into licking flames of vicious fury. I fume silently, because i know no other way than this; except to fling something out of the window with a resounding crack. and the vindictiveness i carry inside, the weight of it is excruciating and unnatural. Anger torments when it is boxed, gnashes its teeth against the bolts. Anger torments when you long to rage at the one you resent but is suppressed, doomed to live out its paroxysmal spasms in the cloistered walls of your heart.
The chinese call it 不甘愿。unfair, unsatisfied. an understatement.
some people i can do without, if only they weren't quite as intimately known to me.
yan, i quite miss having you around. we'd sit and talk for hours.. Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:11 AM with 0 comments
Monday, May 08, 2006
i can never understand guys. i could buy the new summer collection of Bobbi Brown with $125, numerous pieces of accessories, shoes, go wakeboarding, buy myself a new bikini and have money to spare to take a cab to sentosa with $125!!!!!!!! or i could simply save the money up to buy myself a new car in the future or something!! oh well..
i'm bored sitting in his room cause his in the kitchen cooking dinner for us and it's dark outside cos only the candles are lit and jazz is playing on the hi-fi. yay life is good. slow, cos i'm rather aimlessly tracking a holiday path, but content.. roast beef soon! mmmm! Joyce Lim unzipped at 8:32 PM with 0 comments
my dad and uncle bought a car for the eldest cousin.
i'm not really jealous though my dad tried to appease me with promises of the future. neither my cousin nor i deserves one, but i hope this will finally be the turning point in his 24 years of life. enough sloth.
up on your feet young man, up on your feet sir. the whole world's a stage, and your up next.
today was spent in reasonable silence and sleep. again the yearning to find something so much more than this. round the bend leads to more bends. let my life unfurl, if it hasn't.
goodnight world.
in the wee small hours of the morning
two songs swirl
words mingling
tunes tingling
lala loo lala loo
all the world's a calling
got time in your arms
there's no destination
take some time just hang around the road
i don't wanna lose or let you down
we're slowing down the world
oh we're slowing down the world
for you. Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:57 AM with 0 comments
Friday, May 05, 2006
Fine, i get the point, don't bite the hand that feeds you. But i truly believe singaporeans cannot pretend to be democratic till they bend down, reach over and pull the rug from underneath them. i'm just saying there are a great many eyesores and neglected discourses swept under the rug, we should take a look, that's all i'm saying.
then again, i'm not saying the opposition deserves a vote or two. i still think they have a long way to go. they are only united in so far as their mutual opposition binds them, inside, they're too fragmented to take over the reins. ah well..
it's past midnight, i cannot believe how indifferent i am to my last paper. all i can think about are the things that will come after.. let's see..
Freedom, durh.. and pokpok's car has finally arrived yay! and pokpok insists his going to register driving lessons for me, so hmmm i guess i can look forward to driving lessons. and Malaysia trip coming in May, and Hong Kong up in June! and then my birthday in june! awesome.. i can just about plan my 4day trip to HK by myself. Pokpok officially handed over the decision-making sceptre just now. I'm going to plan it like a timetable! first we go here, then there, then dine here, then play there, what time, how long to travel, by MTR or bus or ferry etc. control his finances and expenditure hahaha!
i think pokpok is a nice nickname. when we were dating whenever he said something stupid i'd go "you lousy silly #@$%^$#^ POKPOK!!" at first he'd burst out laughing at such a random frenzy of random name calling but it soon stuck. Initially, it was me going "why you say like that huh #$%^$^#^ your a pokpok!!!" and he'd defensively counter back.
now it's just me saying "why you say like that huh @#$^%@ ...."
and he'd go "ya ok ok i'm a pokpok ok"
HAHAHAH! very fast acknowledge already. very good pokpok, very proud of you! i chose a photo that most represents what a pokpok would look like, a squirrel!
FUCK MY LAST PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhh. Joyce Lim unzipped at 12:41 AM with 0 comments
Thursday, May 04, 2006
chug-a-chug-chug. now's my turn to experience the excruciatingly torturous day wait before the beginning of freedom. heavy are my lids, drained is my strength, and sitting high in the sky on Level 11th of the National Library isn't helping. so clinically white are the walls, clear and painless is the glass, i think time travels in a much different fashion when your above the ground and beneath the clouds.
and i think back to a certain day, a certain sunday, a certain post glitzy night, and i think of you, studying mere three feet from me, and them, chugging out interview questions for Stella Kon, while I, gazing out the same windowless glass and picturing the night before.
so as i gaze out now in the same fashion do i wish for the sublime again where you once took me numberless above the changing streets and fickle lights. i wish for happiness of the liberating kind. the augmenting of the spirit, the widening of the senses, not for surprises (well.. maybe once in a while heh) which contracts the heart in astonishments too much to handle. You know what i mean? i want the laughing kind, the vastness and the spilling over of dimensions; in other words i want Burstful, i don't want just full.
hmmm, i want to go home to sleep.
Postscript:
my thoughts on the election..
on Progress packages payout which i clearly am not YET entitled to receive:
"WHEN"S THE NEXT ELECTION MAN??!!"
on SDP's Ms Chee:
pap ask you for clear concise economic, political, welfare and social policies to counter theirs but you, quick on your feet, turned a question into another question citing it's the government's duty to propose such policies not you. Bravo Bravo, what a fricking smart move. no wonder i always thought SDP was all mudslinging, all talk and no action party.
on Pap's sledgehammer tactics:
so you can sledgehammer people, other people sledgehammer you cannot la. must sue la. ok la you win la.
On issues i thought opposition could have sledgehammered back:
1. dear MM and PM, please don't make politics your familial playing ground.
2. Temasek Holdings.
3. where's my political broadcast? if you have one i must have one!
4. i thought walk-abouts should be an everyday affair, not only during elections time.
5. Comeon man, play the ideology game.
bloody hell la i really going home now. forget the elegaic litany of exams ending and freedom beginning. Two words. fuck exams. Joyce Lim unzipped at 4:00 PM with 0 comments
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
the story is as follows: pokpok and i were in the front kitchen when he thought he saw a big rat scuttle across the floor in the back kitchen. because he wanted to really ascertain the rodent's existance and corroborate with undeniable facts, he thought it would be better to give more time for his brain to process the information carefully before scaring everybody in the room needlessly, which explained his really reaaaallllly long sentence to me which went something like this:
"uh... (pause) baby.. (pause), i don't really mean ah... (pause) to scare you la.. but rightttt.. (pause)"
at which point, i was standing frozen near the sink, NEAREST to the back kitchen mind you, and either getting really worried or really really FRICKING SCARED.
"but ah.."
"BUT WHAT!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH" and i shrieked and jumped away from the spot.
"i thought i saw a rat ah. it was really big la, i didn't wanna scare you so..."
"SCARE ME!?!? HELLO you took so long to punch out a sentence by that time i could have been DEAD BY THAT RAT YOU KNOW!"
this lousy pok! so i engaged the services of Russ the mouse, cockroach, cat nabber and dragged him into the kitchen and bid him put his sniffing abilities to good use. he once sniffed out a shrew from behind the cupboard and killed it k! my hero! so i made my two big strapping boys sacrifice their lives for me and hunt out that dangerous rodent! and russ looked so attentive all the time so cute la! yay i lub my golden turtlehead. wheee
Joyce Lim unzipped at 9:21 PM with 0 comments