Thursday, June 30, 2005

affaire de coeur; a bloody fashion

i'm too old for this. too old to let myself get trapped in another of this insidious game. the game of ______, we all know that four letter word. bloody ole devil with his entrapment game. i'm sick as hell, i'm done with this.

i'm fucking older but no wiser and the self castigation runs much deeper than the AWOL issue. two paths diverged in the woods and i think i left to follow the one leading right into the heart of it. this broken thread i'm left with again and again and again. Again IS again IS again. the nonextant. Bang, Blitz and i'm left with the omitted.

no-show
Ghost
Gone

and this windy vacuous vapidness i feel, you call that empty? no, i called THAT empty. feeling inadequate and pathetic with an empty canvas, palatte, paintbrush in hand but no portrait to show. i'm left, yet again, with the airy gossamer pages of fancies you left me with.

and i feel deprived, yet i know my Lord makes me lie down in green pastures. but i feel in want. and i'm beginning to see what i'm in want of.
i'm in want of me.

i need to love me more.

Joyce Lim unzipped at 4:08 PM with 0 comments
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