Sunday, September 24, 2006
allow me my postscript, the afterthought of an afterthought. i've kept quiet and silent through these months, long enough to weather the repercussions and the grievances i'd bottled up inside. i hope people don't see this as another extemporous post, or an accusation, (though forgive the smattering of adjectives), i really am trying to put this as objectively as i can. Then again, maybe not.
i'm very sorry i wasn't being a friend to you based on that one incident. and that was the turning point from whence my status plummeted rock bottom.
fair enough.
you say slip ups of this nature reek of betrayal and you don't take them lightly.
by all means, you are entitled to your beliefs.
but it's funny how betrayals such as these are important when it's committed against you, but you lack the very self awareness when you commit it too. it's generally the case where if one loathes an action of behavior seen in others, one usually makes the effort to shy away from doing the very same thing he loathes.
you say you have standards and prerequisites as a friend.
So let me ask you this. Of all i've tried to do and help in the past, what have you, as my one-time friend, really done for me?
tis strange, but i can't think of a single thing.
you say you chose to stick by the person you have known for a much longer time as opposed to me, and set me up, in circumstances which were disgustingly immoral. No warning from you, nothing. I loathe that. But you justified yourself with the abovesaid reason. Very well, then my "betrayal" of sorts is akin to yours. Like you, i chose to stick with the person i'd known for a longer time. like you, i chose my side, fed information to him with no harm intended and compromised your position.
Just like you did mine.
so between disclosing information, and introducing a friend to another person you know just so he can bed her, which one do you think is more heinous? Heinous enough to sever ties with a friend, that is.
It drove me crazy hearing you pontificate to my other half what friendship entails when you can go on doing the things that you do. fuck all this bullshit, and i'm only going to allow myself to say it once. FUCK. now twice.
You know what? Friendship doesn't entail this. Morality does. you can't say you did all those things you did because they weren't friends anyway, or anymore.
don't be so quick to judge others, and a harsh one at that, when none of us has any right to do so. I would say a good advice would be this: that before we call on anybody to do a spot of soul-searching, to search ourselves first. More often than not, we realise we're not any better anyway, and we call off the search-party. (ok that was a dreadful pun.) I try my darndest hardest not to cast the first stone, sometimes to no avail. And i throw the second one gleefully. But i try, and it would be nice if you could. Not for my sake but for others.
at least if i had any judgements then (obviously i do now), really negative ones at that, i kept them to myself. But that was before. Now, i can tell anyone about you if i like, and i couldn't care less about the repercussions. Know why? Cause we're not friends anymore. Now who taught me this twisted logic, i wonder. But thank you for being so forthright with everybody else about your opinions of me, except me.
So here's my prerequisites as a friend. Actually i have only one, and i think it's a succinct one.
"Friends stab you in the front."
your complaining that some friends aren't treating you right. But after all that i've said and shown, you can't seriously think you actually practise what you preach anyway do you? Do you NOW see why every judgemental opinion that you ever had and will have about anybody and everybody are unnecessary, ill-constructed, and duplicitous?
Actually i do have another prerequisite as a friend, "Friends build each other up, not tear each other down." but bah, whatever, let's move on.
At least i tried to be one to you in the past, and this, from your own admission. But I screwed something up. Was flung down.
But you, you were never a friend to me to begin with. and this is basing it on your own standards if i may say so!
you must realise i'm not trying to vindicate myself here. I have apologised, Not once but several times. The thing is, i didn't shy away from the blame when an action or word of mine offend anybody in any way. But it's incredulous watching you go about your life acknowledging the wrongs others do to you, but remaining oblivious of those you do to others. Should such ignorance be allowed to perpetuate?
I think i've established my philosophical and personal beliefs through the examples cited earlier. There are two really.
1. Everybody is a sinner
2. Therefore nobody has a right to cast the first stone.
we are just as bad as the people we make out to be. sometimes worse.
But the difference between me and you, is that i live with my flaws.
i've said my peace. Joyce Lim unzipped at 2:00 AM with 0 comments
Comments:
Post a Comment