Wednesday, February 02, 2005
DO NOT
mock, laugh, pinch yourself in ecstacy trying to imagine dear joyce and her horrified expression upon learning the homeward voyage back to Hainan Dao. trust me, the moment's lost. (that's what i always tell people who can't quite catch the punchline of the joke and expects me, her highness, to repeat it just for their benefit.)
but anyway, i was shopping with my bimbo president last sunday and we fell in love with a discriminate pair of hippy birkies. impulsive Joyce restrained the tiger within and made herself walk round orchard a few more rounds to sedate her shopaholic rashness. After 15 mins, she decided the birkes were history and moved on to this FCUK jacket, which she convinced herself was PERFECT for HAINAN DAO WEATHER. 5 mins of deliberating and she shrugged off the jacket which brings me on to my next point. i am f i c k l e.
which led me to think about the past cny days i'd spent shopping with my mom as a kid for new clothes. now this is very important so listen up. when i was about 10, 11 yrs, while shopping with my mom at Wisma during cny, we chanced upon this very ugly dress that most 11 yr olds would think fantastic. being the rational, mathematical and probability thinker joyce that i was, i convinced my mom that there were cheaper, better dresses out there even though i was secretly hoping that my mom wouldn't listen to me. unfortunately she did, and after traipsing around the orchard, we came back to the same store intending to buy that beautiful dress which we had not the sane-ness to RESERVE, and horror of horrors.. realised that we were 1 hr too late.
*camera zoom in on our gaping mouths*
i had never known devastation till then.
which brings me on to my next observation.
Location: a certain primary school in woodlands
Setting: the general office
characters: me and the entire cohort of spoilt singaporean weak minded kids
Scene 1:
primary 2 boy (self pityingly): boo hoo hooo HOOOOoooo
Me (thinking it is some life threatening accident): what happened boy?!?!! come come let me take a look.
*camera zooms closer and reveals a wound no bigger than a 1 cent coin*
me: oh, (rather disappointed with the anti climax), you fell down huh?
irritating primary 2 CRYBABY boy: sniff sniff,.... eh eh eh.... YYyaAAAAAaaaaaa!!!! BOO HOO HOOOOO
(and proceeds to manufacture more salt water for his commendable project)
Me (rolls eyes): ok you sit here in the sick bay while i clean up your wound. be brave ya? just a small scratch, be a good boy ok.. (while deep inside i question the hypocrisy of my civility towards this deplorable pulp of a boy.)
Me: ahh.. good boy, be brave ok? (at which he starts weeping uncontrollably again, as if by being brave gives me reason to commiserate with his tragic plight and be proud of his valient attempt to STAY STRONG; thus give him leave to cry again because little boys should not be subjected to such regimental discipline anyway.)
my my, his doing us all such a favour with his commendable effort isn't he? -_-
Me: how did you fall down?
response: CRY
Me: where did you fall down?
response: hyperventilate and sob in convulsive tremors. obviously the recollection is just too gut wrenching and painful to re-enact.
Me (whatever-ly): ok come, just walk over to the phone, we'll call your parents just to inform them.
Response: Anguished wolfish howl, while clutching his knee in a hysterical fit of terror and incredulity at being asked so cruelly to operate the use of his mangled legs
MY RESPONSE? one eyebrow is raised. -_'
After 2 mins of indefinite hateful scrubbing and cleaning the wound to dispel my disgust at getting my precious time so constructively wasted, i then question the boy about the whereabouts of his parents seeing that the school is just getting dismissed.
Me (patronizingly): so boy.. where's your parents? are they coming to fetch you home?
no reply
Me (getting rather piqued): oei, want to call your mother or not?
whereupon, the boy, hearing his mother's name (which was "mother") pathetically pushed out his lower lip, scrunched up his nose like a curveball, wrenched his face tight, asphyxiated himself to a lovely purple blue and started weeping all over again with great solemnity.
WHEREUPON HER HIGHNESS threw down the white towel and marched straight out of the sick bay, incapable of showing any desirable human empathy.
i don't remember being so acutely rotten when i was younger. and i can actually safely say that i never EVER cry when i suffer any physical damage to my body, even when i was in kindergarten. i didn't cry when my dog latched on to my arm and refused to let go, i didn't cry when i fell four fucking steps down the big school bus straight on to the tarmac road scrapping off half my knee, and i certainly didn't cry when i was hospitalized. my mom taught me that brave stout girls never cry because of physical pain and i believed her from the first time she told me that, really. and believe me i've been through more than minor injury at the age of 9, had more than my fair share of fear; of fearing for my life, so forgive me if my patience is tried sometimes.
but i'm great with kids, really i am. heh
and i saw this girl that looks like this
or more accurately.. like this and i'm dead dead serious.
don't you think that puppy looks so GORGEOUS?!!!? his so smiley, i look at him and i burst into a "hur hur hur" smile at him. i want another precious baby!! but my dad says better not, we can't do this inhuman thing to poor Russ.
POOH... what does a dog know about jealousy anyway haha. yeah right.. russ once fought with a dog just cos i paid far too much attention to it rather than him. HIM HIM.. it's always HIM for Russ and IT for the other dogs. Russ insists.
off to bed! bye. Joyce Lim unzipped at 9:24 PM with 3 comments
Comments:
YOU.IN.CHINA?? hahaha...
anyway,, don't forget me there.. :P
guess u're probably on the plane or something..
anyway,, don't forget me there.. :P
guess u're probably on the plane or something..
blog surfed late , but still insist on saying it's really v. funny you're going hainan dao
and you shd neuter that little boy! it works on most males species
and you shd neuter that little boy! it works on most males species
# posted by 
: 2/10/2005 4:55 PM
: 2/10/2005 4:55 PM
anon you are? hah china was a disaster don't talk about it anymore man.
on another note. happy V day everyone
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on another note. happy V day everyone