Wednesday, January 04, 2006
and so i cried not merely for the name calling or the insults, but for the abject disappointment in the people, of whom some i held in such high regard. I'm sorry i allowed you guys to jerk me around, to lift me up with sweet words only to trample on me behind my back. I'm sorry i deluded myself to believing you were something more, something else. it's my fault for being too gullible, forgive me, i'm paying the price now for the deceit and rumours you started behind the smiles.
and then sorrow melted into vicious anger and i felt like scraping away the remains of my heart till it bled dry, screaming and kicking and wring it out to dry in the scorching sun and use the empty parched muscle to mudsling at everyone of you antagonists. why the fuck do i always get myself into this. why WHY WHY. and now i feel so so empty and hollowed out and please, just don't come round here and tell me "i told you so". it hurts, it really does. words like these dig the grave to my heartache. and i scream and i scream inside, and my world grew strangely grotesque, oddly curved with tears addling my vision all around.
pirouette round the grave
you've dug for me
Are you happy now?
I lose, you win ok. i'm only your trash, symbol of abject disgrace and wantonness. and i thought you were above all this. i thought our friendship was exclusive, i thought of the things you used to say that struck a chord and i can only weep in angst and misery. So much for the exigency of friendship, so much for the exclusiveness of it all. It was all a game to you, and you don't know how bitter i am. oh God, i wish i'd guarded my heart more cautiously
and now it just gores me to heartwrenching depression. i can taste the acrid blood. Oh God please, make them go away, i've had enough, of those who lend hypocrisy their voices and deceit their smiles. They all grow stronger around me in triumph, while i look on in fear, i touch their faces and recoil in horror to find i know them not.
i don't know who i surround myself with anymore. i want to fall, i've fallen, Lord please catch me, catch me before my marred dreams and broken heart get shattered onto the ground with no chance of piecing together. i'm just so tired, please.
i wrote this a long time ago for the malicious voices swirling in the air. Go on, read it, lay all your insults to rest here at the foot of the grave, say your peace for this is the last time i'm saying mine. and then be on your way. I sure could use the rest, leave me
You lend hypocrisy your voice and hurtfulness your ear
A malignant tumour that never stops swelling
Till it grows fully into something portentous
And then it develops into a disease
Rampant,ravaging,raving mad
Sucking its victims dry for their masters
Like scavengers they hunt for any potential prey
That might unknowingly fall into its deadly trap
You know not what you do
Yet you revel in it
Rejoicing in your cannibalistic truimph
Over the afflicted
Ravage my poor little bursting heart
Plunder, loot, pilage, destroy
For isn't that your main aim
To wreck havoc on my already desolate spirit
Curse me with all cruel intent
Break me down with brutality
I had little to start out with anyway
What does it matter if i lose them all to you
Pirouette round the grave
You have dugged out for me
Are you happy now?
For gouging out the last living strip of my soul
The frailties of a hardened heart
Brittle, fragile, like broken stone
Cannot comprehend emotion
That rises, comes to claim its throne.
Have you not bludgeoned my heart enough?
Have you not battered it till here it lies
In a puddle of angst, pain, jadedness and blood?
And so here i am wasting away in the chasm of your malicious crimes
Oh refuge of my broken heart
I now dance before your throne
Sweet Jesus carry me away
From cold of night, from dust of day
From the conundrum of possiblities and intricacies
Of Love
Life
and why
For i have now seen the iniquity in Man
Through webs of lies Confuse
Deceive
I lie in honest faith, these thoughts are mine
The broken dots
i draw the line
The broken labour -- i have to sieve
The broken heart -- i have to piece Joyce Lim unzipped at 11:40 AM with 1 comments
Comments:
The broken labour i have to sieve
the broken heart i have to piece
lovely words yet so full of sadness. hope your feeling alright girl. Hold your head up
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the broken heart i have to piece
lovely words yet so full of sadness. hope your feeling alright girl. Hold your head up
# posted by 
: 1/04/2006 12:21 PM
: 1/04/2006 12:21 PM