devastatingly human

i had my first singing lesson today. what i imagined would be a very gratifying and edifying experience when people would just sit around waving left hands (think mariah carey) and crooned beautiful songs to death turned out to be a very horrifying and arduous journey.

this wasn't a SINGING LESSON, the instructor boomed.

this is a singing TECHNIQUES lesson. and so he says we have to work out certain neglected muscles of our celluoid to properly train our voice.

First up.. how to control the lower ab muscles.

1st step: Starting position. butt glued to chair, hands clawing the chair in case you fall off, back leaned backwards and feet raised approximately 1mm off the floor.

LEGS UP

note to self: remember to look like it's very tiring

now for the back muscles closest to the butt crack.

GET INTO STARTING POSITION..
KNEES BENT, BACK STRAIGHT BUTT OUT
READY..

NOW RAISE BACK GENTLY

VERY GOOD.. now to locate the now throbbing aching abs muscles.. but to do that.. we must first locate

THE NAVAL...

now that we have located the naval, place both hands slightly below it and you've got your throbbing perspiring lower
abs muscles

NOW BREATHE in then OUT.. making sure the chest stays rigid like a teapot while the belly bellows out like a stuck pig and then sucks itself in when the air punctures out

NOW SING

yet another satisfied audience

WHOSE DA MAN!

I AM

Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:02 AM with 0 comments
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