devastatingly human

i need to start on my history essay right about now because it's due tomorrow but everything else seems more important than that double tick i intend to get for my final essay to pull my grades up. a double tick is most imperative but whadeheck, so far i've been getting way below par and demoralisation is setting in. i never thought i'd stress over humanities subjects, maths notwithstanding, but there you go, yet another arrow to pop my ego, and me, right out of its bubble.

nights just become another justification to feel oh so absolutely cantankerous. why why why. i keep running to all the wrong places of sorts to seek slight repose when i know i should just come to You. And i do, but i fall away, and then i try again, and then it seems there's nothing to keep me, only the memory of sorts to anchor my feet but my heart, and oh my soul, how they search, pine, and wander, and wonder. And all i seek is some respite from the existentialist state of my life. oh believe me, increasingly so the insignificance and the fact that i am of no consequence to the world mars my reality from time to time. And it probably feels great to stand beside the ocean and feel small. but how tired i am of trifles. how banal and hackneyed they have made our lives become. why can't i throw off the yokes and be rid of these. indulge in the minutiae of life so i espoused but it troubles me that they irritate me so. I need to focus on the grand scheme of things.

And in the quiet brought about by weariness..
that damn history essay beckons

Joyce Lim unzipped at 9:15 PM with 0 comments
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