Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Instead of welling up with emotion at the joy of freedom ahead, i shrunk back into my seat and shrivelled up into a decayed leaf. I could not very well have been a Nicole, Vanessa, or Rachel. A 'Marcy' should do it. 'Marcy' speaks of a bespectacled four rimmed midget with gangly limbs that knock each other about involuntarily. Marcy looks the sort that would apologise for the way she looks.
And so a deep pervasive sense of mousiness loosed its briary arms around the pits of Marcy's stomach and pumped sour adrenaline through my timorous body. Why'd she ignore me, Did she not like me? Questions similar to those i ask myself haphazardly sometimes when people would rather stand than sit next to me on a bus. Or how thoughts run peripatetic of the time I laughed gregariously and spilt some saliva on the cement floor. Shit. Had they noticed? Just now, before the commencement of the paper, a tutorial group mate told me in his jolly manner to acquire an accent and try some of that uthwbek when I go to texas. I motioned to my ear and he repeated the word.
reabstlei.
"just try eating it", this other girl offered. ok, i simply smiled and pretended i knew exactly what the heck he was saying. While, of course, mildly awkward at the thought that they might have seen through my pathetic display.
so i walked through the exam hall after the paper, pushing my way through the chattering melee of people who found other familiar faces while I affected a half hearted commitment for the exit. through the darkening drizzle, calling pok seemed the best option. Then we hung up and i found myself in delicate spaces next to other faces mindful of my solitude on the campus bus toward home. it was then i wished i had trusty podywody. a girl looks more occupied and indifferent with earphones sticking out of her ears. the largeness and expansiveness of the feeling weighed down upon my spongy little heart.
it's random times like these which make me feel so small, un-needed and un-heeded. clumsy, choking and full of teeth.
HAPPIER TIMES ARE HERE ANYWAYS. i will watch "Singing in the Rain" hongy so very nicely burnt for me. i shall post up photos of days when joyce prevails over Marcy.
Joyce Lim unzipped at 7:49 PM with 0 comments
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