devastatingly human

alot of things have been cracking me up lately and i'd like to share them with you :) Sorry if they don't come out right but they really were very hilarious.

i've taken to bullying my dog lately. We've trained him from young never to enter the kitchen cos my grandma's sacred cooking activity should never be tainted with his furballs. So last week i deliberately broke a piece of Keropok in front of his nose and placed it very conspicuously on the kitchen tiles. Then i stood behind him, and like the voice of conscience, egged him on from behind in pursuit of that fine little dainty thing lying on the floor. i could sense his mounting confusion and anxiety. His paws kept scrapping the edge of the marble floor, dying to enter that forbidden domain. He has broken lots of rules before but never this one and so imagine his distress! Of which i was getting increasingly amused by hoho. He moved forwards and backwards, arched his neck behind to discern if i was really serious and pranced around at the kitchen door. When he so much as made an attempt to move forwards, i'd yell a dreadful NNNNOOooooooooo, deepening my voice and prolonging the OOOOOOO, and he'd scramble head over heels backwards again. HAHA

So i'd egg him on like the "devil" and yell at him to back off like a saint. Progressively so, the more i laughed my ass off at him, the more agitated he got and he took to barking and barking and barking at me, while i grinned merrily at him. HAHAHA

i am so bad to him. The last trick i played on him was by making shake hands with me using his left paw then his right paw then his left a thousand times, which bored him so but amused me tremendously. And yesterday i went to sentosa and saw super cute dogs runnin in the sand and the first thing i uttered was "My dog is so ugly lah compared to them". What a freudian slip opps! Which is true because he has been shedding hair due to some hereditary skin disease and it disgusts me. My dad used to have a dog named Lucky, i had my german sherpherd when i was one and i called him Blacky. I was thinking i might as well call my dog Yucky since his so ugly hmpfh. My grandma apparently reminds him of how lacklustre his coat has become because she always calls him Grass instead of Russ. then just now, i was watching some cartoon about a stallion reunited with his mare, which my mom called "his girlfriend" and i thought it was extremely funny the way my mom commented how Russ would never get attached cos his so ugly now. Poor russ hee

Then yesterday charlene and i were bullied a couple of times at the beach. First we chose a nice spot to play frisbee and suddenly while we were happily complaining about how lousy we were, a gang of touch rugby girls strode up like Caesar and Co. and practised their throws RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of us. i would have told them to get lost had it not been for a fact that it was like a thousand tanned butchy girls against the two very powerless and may i remind you, the very feminine us. SO, we pathetically slunked back to our mat and moped. We decided to go watch one of the beach touch in play, but of course the day couldn't pass without another lousy bunch of girls suddenly crowding right in front of us, blocking our view. Fine, we shifted our mat closer to the "courts" so we could sit and observe the game. Then, while we were happily watching a game on our mat, thinking we couldn't possibly get bullied a third time in the same day WITHIN LESS THAN TWO HOURS, powerful gusts of wind made my towel fly and bowls of sand, each weighing approximately 1kg each were flung straight in our faces. Apparently ANOTHER bunch of skanky buncha touch girls ran past us and created a mini hurricane Joycechartrina around us. THAT IS PATHETIC FOR YOU. and me.

My mom is very funny. she has been cracking me up lately but there's this terrific one liner she dropped. Upon telling her how i was smsing some guyfriend of mine a few days ago she suddenly blurted out: "don't get attached to him ah.. he'll drop you.."

DROP ME??

"ya... like a rock."

Joyce Lim unzipped at 11:01 PM with 7 comments
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Comments:

HHAAHAH GRASS!!!!

# posted by

hong : 11/28/2005 9:45 AM

ah i like the first few comments, its so filled with ambiguity about what tone to adopt and how familar to be!

anyways i never lived with dogs until i stayed here for a month before school started. two jack russels! peppy was the younger one and more pally with me. i used to sit at home during the day and peppy would jump up and snuggle on my lap. so i soon took to talking to it at times haha! peppy, do you think she *askhong* is thinking of me. i also thought it how to shake my hand!

# posted by

Anonymous : 11/28/2005 3:49 PM

eh your comment got limit one, so lousy. i taught it oops hahaha. anyways once it learnt i would extend my hand and quickly withdraw it when it stuck out its paw, so she was left very very perplexed!

deserves it mah. when i talk to her about that girl she always gets bored and runs off to get the ball for me to throw. hmph. good thing she toilet trained. if she did anything on my lap it would be the ultimate in farcicial ripostes. lalalala i type so long yay

# posted by

Anonymous : 11/28/2005 3:51 PM

wah.. hahaha i could use comments like yours hoho. ah hong is going over very soon so it'll be me talking to Russ, asking him if she's thinking of me, and you ignoring peppy.

hmmm.. why are we complimenting her so?

hongalongalong!! i'm going robinsons tml for some wine as you shop function my dad was invited to in orchard!!!!!!!!!!!!!

# posted by

Joyce Lim : 11/28/2005 6:05 PM

isn't tomorrow which is today our lit paper?
i'm going training. haha

joyce nice photos how come i dont have the one we took together

hi phildi the resident blog troll! haha

# posted by

hong : 11/29/2005 9:48 AM

i beg your pardon, what troll?

who down here has the best complexion huh huh.

anyways send you good luck message also come to ppl blog and complain. spoilt already, must be

# posted by

Anonymous : 11/29/2005 3:46 PM

hahaaha YAY all i can say is that i like ALOT AND ALOT OF COMMENTS hahahahaha

*bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy*

# posted by

Joyce Lim : 11/29/2005 11:42 PM