Monday, December 20, 2010

how long has this been? so much has happened in four years. I stopped writing in three. closed off my world from the rest in two.

pictures say a thousand words and actions speak louder than words. I have nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine words to go.

after Monday - maybe I will.

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Friday, December 08, 2006

Post and Postscripts

new blog-->

-WHAT THE BLOODY FFFFFFFFFFF! POSTSCRIPT: STUPID BLOGGER. i upgraded my account and now i can't POST a new entry. i can only EDIT past entries. at this rate, i'm gonna have to have a new address. and this would SUCK becos i've become so attached to this one sigh. ARGH.-

AND AND TAUFIK HIDAYAT STRUCK ASIAN GOLD! put off THREE game points from his opponent, caught up and won that same set! AWESOME! a little bit of my schoolgirl crush is coming back.

hello. so my mom told me this morning she wasn't going to splurge on a christmas gift for me this year because I get to travel around the US of A next year and that's really more than enough and i quite agree.

so i said ok. there is just one christmas gift i want this year and it isn't bought with a single cent! but you MUST say yes i told my mom. that kind of question is dangerous she said but had to force out a yes because i tickled her so hard she went red in the face.

so yay, pok gets to sit at the table with us this christmas and try my grandma's turkey stuffing and christmas cake and he gets to join in the fun when we play pictionary and guesstures hooray! I am games master for christmas hoho

and today, as usual, more photos of me than of pok heh :)

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Marcy's last paper

my lecturer carelessly collected what i thought would stand a good shot at an A and virtually ignored my timid "Thanks Dr."
Instead of welling up with emotion at the joy of freedom ahead, i shrunk back into my seat and shrivelled up into a decayed leaf. I could not very well have been a Nicole, Vanessa, or Rachel. A 'Marcy' should do it. 'Marcy' speaks of a bespectacled four rimmed midget with gangly limbs that knock each other about involuntarily. Marcy looks the sort that would apologise for the way she looks.

And so a deep pervasive sense of mousiness loosed its briary arms around the pits of Marcy's stomach and pumped sour adrenaline through my timorous body. Why'd she ignore me, Did she not like me? Questions similar to those i ask myself haphazardly sometimes when people would rather stand than sit next to me on a bus. Or how thoughts run peripatetic of the time I laughed gregariously and spilt some saliva on the cement floor. Shit. Had they noticed? Just now, before the commencement of the paper, a tutorial group mate told me in his jolly manner to acquire an accent and try some of that uthwbek when I go to texas. I motioned to my ear and he repeated the word.


"just try eating it", this other girl offered. ok, i simply smiled and pretended i knew exactly what the heck he was saying. While, of course, mildly awkward at the thought that they might have seen through my pathetic display.

so i walked through the exam hall after the paper, pushing my way through the chattering melee of people who found other familiar faces while I affected a half hearted commitment for the exit. through the darkening drizzle, calling pok seemed the best option. Then we hung up and i found myself in delicate spaces next to other faces mindful of my solitude on the campus bus toward home. it was then i wished i had trusty podywody. a girl looks more occupied and indifferent with earphones sticking out of her ears. the largeness and expansiveness of the feeling weighed down upon my spongy little heart.

it's random times like these which make me feel so small, un-needed and un-heeded. clumsy, choking and full of teeth.

HAPPIER TIMES ARE HERE ANYWAYS. i will watch "Singing in the Rain" hongy so very nicely burnt for me. i shall post up photos of days when joyce prevails over Marcy.

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Monday, December 04, 2006


even though i've gotten more a's this sem for my tests and assignments than any of my previous semesters, it still seems like i'm going to fail everything!! swell ain't it. exams are so tough. and today's paper went like SAI. SIGH. pun. hurhur.

LAST PAPER TOMORROW. oh God when have I felt such agony.

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the wishing away

i keep thinking that my next paper at 5pm today will be the last paper.
aching with the preparation and moaning away the throbs of anxiety, i suddenly feel shooting pangs of exhilaration at the days of freedom ahead, then check myself just in time to remember that it is still not over yet.

i have another paper tomorrow. for goodness sake I cannot take this much longer. my whole body trembles in anticipation, just waiting and waiting for the last paper to come go, and it has been so long. The runner at the start line psyches and tenses up just before the horn blasts. The lack of perseverence to hold those muscles tense while he waits for the go ahead is the reason he falters and makes a false start.

oh how do i persevere and keep myself psyched up till tomorrow goes? the waiting, above all, tests the durability of the mind under pressure to hold, hold it in. I might get tired of waiting.

grrrr. tomorrow, mambo, shopping for texas clothes, doing all the things we wrote in a list to do after exams with pok, hong's party, guesstures, and hoping pok spends christmas with my family and finally bringing Russ to a big green field where he can run around madly smelling up people's ass cracks AND THAT STUPID DRIVING TEST WHICH I WILL SO DAMN WELL PASS.

these are a few of my favourite things.

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Saturday, December 02, 2006

oh me oh my

i've received tonnes of emails asking useless questions but none ever ever bid. forget it. auction's off.
drained by yesterday's paper, I kept going on and on about how much i'd studied for this paper and how i'd kill myself if i don't get an a for this module. then pok commented in his usual way how I never do study much anyway and all I did for the past few weeks was watch tv, eat and sleep.

BUT, i shot back quickly, and then hushed up. i still think i should get an A.

nevermind, something got to me a few days ago and i think i wrote one too many harsh comments on a particular blogger. It was certainly not edifying. But i am simply amazed at the amount of time these uk students have. do they not slog it half as much as we nus/smu/ntu students do? every single night is party here, a party there, a drunken fit here, a photo galore night there. and then they get home and blog about the paucity of sleep and all for what? There has to be A POINT made. God knows. so what's your point, i feel like asking them all the bloody time.

nevermind, shall i share my travel plans with you? it's texas, then newyork during spring break (I hope), and hopefully an LA after, san francisco maybe with flowers in my hair, and if the US government insists I get out of the country and come in again as a tourist after my student visa expires a trip to Canada to visit Aunt Dolly would be nice. Last stop new york again and i get to see hong.

i hope pok gets the time to fly over just once to visit me.

righto, waxing lyrical will start when exams end. shall i spare you another one of my annual christmassy posts?

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

i miss you most at christmas time

hello, I wish exams didn't contain us so. We have Confucius and the few thousand years of Imperial examinations in China to thank for.

and I wish I wasn't leaving so soon. Is it any wonder.. I will cry; you know this. Don't say be strong. It almost always encourages otherwise. I will take a scent of you, a strand of hair, your voice in a seashell, and check them in with me.

It was hard studying today with the strains of Rudolph and Santa and White christmas-es gliding through from the neighbour's house. oh wow, i loved it so. and I thought of all those christmas-es I'd spent; carolling in the streets, building a thin muddy snowman and aunty Dolly's and Michael's gingerbread house creations, Michael's nativity model in the living room when I was 8 (boy is he creative), and of course the tree, dinner, pudding and presents.

One christmas I rubbed my hands together and trudged back home in the snow, apple cider in my tummy and little toes gnawing the cold. That's how I first learnt that the best way to keep warm was to breathe in through the nose and out the mouth.

Some lessons you keep with you for life.

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Monday, November 20, 2006

up up and away

"this is houston. do you read me. hello?" hahhaha!
hello houston texas i will see you in less than two months time, and after that it's a crazy reunion with the hc pals :)

and so again i've found another reason to delay studying. Here i am stressing over airline tickets, preparing other relevant documents and surfing online shops for awesome boots and jackets.


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Saturday, November 18, 2006

catharsis and confession

i've been posting almost everyday for the past one week or so. i gather it's the denial mechanism nudging against the build-up towards the exams. oh sigh, whine, pout and whimper. can i ever be stellar-feller, well maybe, all my life i've never tried so hard to work towards the top. I'm the sort that works just enough to scrape by with respectable grades because i don't care for perfection. I'm generally satisfied with mediocrity as long as i still have my place along the elites. ergo, mediocrity according to their standards is enough for me. so one can rattle off and name-drop as often as one likes, using them as shield boosters. so for example i would go Hi, i'm from hwachong, and i was on scholarship. The part where i did enormously disappointing for A's would be omitted shamelessly, not to mention the part where i callously distributed away my scholarship money on God knows what.

what a poseur eh.. ah well we all are.

and speaking of money, i've been accused of being materialistic twice. once, by my God-fearing other worldly daddy, who has since stopped his pointless pontification, and by another person whom i shan't deign to mention.

well thanks. But i prefer to analogise it to guys and their primary issue. There are only two kinds of males in this world. One, those who admit to porn, and two, those who keep mum about it.

I don't see the need to admit to or deny something so universally paradoxical. If i am materialistic, i am only in so far as the rest of the world is. And if i say i am not, well well, we'll all be partners in our denial, shan't we?

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Friday, November 17, 2006

names in a bag

i suddenly thought of the cute little thingamachick of a dee pok bought for me a while back. searched my room before i found the little thing hiding in e original paperbag. yay, so cute, i want to wear to school tomorrow!

so anw pok and i have been thinking of a name for it. or is it he? she? hmm the first thing that came to both our minds was Chickadee. it really looks like a chickadee but the name's too common.
then i thought of birdie, and pok said why not call it kookoo. so i thought yes! a very quirky name indeed, i shall call it kookoobird! then on second thoughts, i thought not hurhur.

i like firdie. i think it's a better name than Iskandar, which was one of the names i was seriously considering. ok so come come, leave an idea or two in the tag board, u can't read for free ok. or how about sputnik? hehe.

and i have to go sleep now.

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

3 inches up

hi this is a reminder to self that i'd probably like nue shoes for christmas. Just one awesome solid pair of heels, and i'd wear em to death.

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

early bird needs more sleep

hello darlings! pseudo surprise breakfast date had a glitchy start because pok said he was coming at 8am, not that i know the time hello it's a SURPRISE. so ok 8am it was and i even joked lightly just before he put down the phone last night that he'd better do something unpretty to make himself wake up early cos i wouldn't want to give him a wakeup call to remind him that he has to surprise me. it would be so not surprising!

then of course yours truly always jinxes herself. a little side track here: i have sat in two people's cars and commented very loudly on their excellent steering-ship and what not and just 2 seconds later their car gets gashed down the side or in danger of being mauled sideways by a reversing car from the left. and then of course, i just spoilt my own surprise by being an insistent teen prickbopper last night. point to note: i really jinx things. i can't help it.

so durh what happens? pok really woke up late and i had to call him to remind him to come surprise me. %$#%@$#$... my mouth is really terribly true at the wrong-est of times.

we were late so breakfast buffet was scrapped and we settled for normal ronald macdonalds; say that ten times fast. hee :)

then it rained oh happy excited me. on the way home the drains were flooded and water kept gushing onto the roads. i took a photo of an excited pok. so all went well, i love the rain, brings an all too familiar christmassy feeling back. yay!

i took nice photos of Russ too. so that concludes the two boyboys in my life. Russ has this perpetual sad look sometimes it melts my heart so. It's always been said dogs have an old soul. although all the photos of him look the same they are NOT! so subtle that head is turned, that one eye raised, ears twitched. i like reading his body language. yesterday he slept by my bed and hiccupped his silly head off. then on saturday we found out that when my dad whistles at high pitch, he howls and whines to the tune. i have an awesome doggy hoho.

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Monday, November 13, 2006

insisting gets you no where

i'm a stupid woman. I kept insisting pok pick me up from town around late morning-ish because of some errands i needed to run.

pok kept insisting i do em another day.

i insisted otherwise.

in the end i spoilt my own surprise because he actually wanted to pick me up early from home for an early breakfast.
DAMNIT!!!! $%#$@$#@%

nevermind. i will go to sleep now and pretend i didn't hear a thing and wake up pleasantly surprised tomorrow hoho.

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

i must be bored

i bought myself suspenders last week on impulse and now i'm deliberating whether i should wear em to school tomorrow, as well as meditating if i should type in short form like dis or spell em out like that. Back to suspenders, they look rather O.K from the front, but i didn't count on the back clip pulling up my jeans so high my crotch area seems a good one metre shorter. so anw, i mean anyway, there was this look i wanted to pull off but not everything turns out as hunky-dory as it should be. My suspenders pull up my jeans so much so that from the back, my ass looks badly in need of liposuction. boohoo.

i like trying to pull off weird quirky or punkass styles but i don't think the latter suits me, or that i suit them. ah well, talking of punkass styles makes me think of getting that tattoo i got customised for me last year. If you look very closely you can see my initial "J" at the bottom.

Free Image Hosting at

I want. i have half a mind to go get it done next month or something. And maybe i'm only saying this so Pok'll get a shock of his life when he sees this post and start railing at me tml. i mean tomorrow. It's a test, to see how often he imbibes daily readings of my life. hah. i must be bored.

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

damn long but damn short

from a retest date in february, to january this morning, i came online on a flimsy whim just 5 mins ago and saw an opening for 20th dec and i took it!!!!!!!!!!

it was the fucking biggest heart attacking wait in the span of less than 4.11 seconds. first risking my january date by cancelling it first before i could book the december date. ANYONE COULD HAVE SWOOPED IN ONLINE WHILE I WAS CANCELLING MY JANUARY DATE AND TAKEN THE DECEMBER ONE FROM ME BUT noooOOOOOOO....


I WIN!!!

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