Friday, August 06, 2004
i hate being cornered. i don't like open discussions. i don't like people pointing out my faults to my face as if i didn't already know. and it's more stupid when cliched advice comes spewing out, as if i didnt' already know. whatever you know about me, i knew it long ago. whatever you wish to say to me, i already know even before the thought flashes past your mind. so whatever advice you have, save it for others who haven't already heard.
i don't want you or you or you and him or her to tell me i'm wrong. i need to do this, i need to come back. i don't need that right now. let me work it out by myself. it's been many years and again and again i fall; don't think i don't know. i'm tired of trying. i want Divine You to cascade down in all your showers of glory and make me blinded to all else but you. sure, you could send someone in your stead, just make sure she's an angel. My personal angel. and make sure i know it.
you know that feeling when everyone's chiding you, willing you to get up and turn your life around? well don't listen to what they say, take it from me. just this once, get up in your own time. you know your own issues better than they do. who are they but bystanders, how could they ever know the intensity of your laughter or the mirth of your cries? Only He knows. and even if it takes months, years, decades, somehow eventually you'll come back. You know it. so many tangled emotions to sieve, so many broken hearts to piece, take your time, who cares if their rushing you? take your time, eat a cookie, watch some tv, then get back to work.
Why why am i starting to think about you all over again? i feel like tearing up the letter, no but i need my closure. i deserve it. after so long, it's only right, it's only fair.
i just realised how pod-like my study room is. a square box with two walls and two windows, suspended in mid air by some invisible rope. secure and locked from the outside, i lay outstretched on the sofa beside the window and looked up at the sky; windows open, curtains rippling in the breeze. what a pretty picture i saw. a postcard. blue blackish sky with spare branches ripe with leaves of peachy green piercing the bluey hue. i forgot about the window sills that framed the pretty picture, it was like somebody flew up and kindly placed a painting in place of my window. so that's all i saw.
chantal's Feels Like Home is amazing. suddenly it feels like i'm way back where i belong
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
if only you knew how much you meant to me. no more games of love and pride. what's so wrong about falling in love with someone and letting him know?
only when he doesn't love you anymore probably.
Joyce Lim unzipped at 11:06 PM with 0 comments
Comments:
Post a Comment