Thursday, August 05, 2004
PEEEE YOOOOWWW... i kept sneezing the entire way. anyway to cut the long story short. i managed to dig up old remains of long lost friends' post cards and xmas cards sent way back in secondary school and sily inane neoprints taken like some biography works.
and... you know this was coming didn't ya?
yes yes i dug up old photos of him. well... hai, what to do? =\ *sheepish grin* it wasn't a photo of US. just him, in his golf attire. one taken when he was like in sec 1, the other taken when he was j1. i might show you one day when i'm completely detached. it's a mighty stark contrast between the two photos. one fat and one so much leaner. my my why am i telling you all this.
point is, seeing those photos again just made me want to die breathing in abundant skies. i feel like that pathetic microscopic insect pushing his big grain of sand in front of him to hide himself from the rest of the world in Henry James' novel. to be free to hide and be free to act. what a clean paradox.
i could use a fresh beginning too, all of my regrets are nothing new.
i won't say i miss you. i don't know if i do. as i said, remembrance doesn't make a martyr out of me, same goes for old photos that rekindle the old flame of reminiscence.
i am so so stupid. this bittersweet aching doesn't go away, the kind that kisses under your skin till you find another.
arcane and recondite you. how will i know your heart someday? but would it give me prescribed peace.. no. but perhaps when you read this, or IF you do, maybe you'd realise how important i was to you. or perhaps you wouldn't.
goodnights aren't enough for a simple how do you do. you realise?
Joyce Lim unzipped at 1:55 AM with 0 comments
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